Amazon Princess Page 3

  “Suck it. Blow it. Beat it. Bitch.” I snap the words at her along with my fingers on each syllable for accent.

  Sophia turns to Tina. “That peasant insulted me!”

  I catch Tina smirk slightly before I’m up and pushing my way down the aisle, doing my grand exit in style.

  Screw this. What was I thinking? Running away with a dragon lady who couldn’t even pay for my airfare?

  This is bullshit. I’m going back home.

  That’s when I remember I’m on a plane. I don’t got anywhere to go except a bathroom that my fish tail dress is so not gonna fit into.

  Crap. I’m gonna have to return to my seat and apologize to Edie about my outburst.

  But I don’t want to.

  I’d rather be second runner up in the Miss Potato Plow contest. I’d rather break a heel during the swimsuit competition. I’d rather do a weigh-in right after going to an all you can eat pizza buffet.

  In short, I’d rather die.

  That’s when an engine goes out.

  3

  The plane jumps and for a moment I’m floating, the sparkles in my dress glittering as they enjoy zero gravity. “Whee!” my brain says.

  Then I come crashing down. I hit the hard floor at the same time that air masks fall from the ceiling above the seats. They dangle down in a way that almost looks festive. Like party streamers.

  Why did I ignore the flight attendants when they were telling us what to do if the cabin lost pressure? I mean, no one ever pays attention to them, and now everyone is scrambling, fighting over masks, and praying to a variety of different deities.

  Edie and Tina are in the aisle, and neither of them seems very concerned. I hurry to them and catch the end of their conversation.

  “…it could be one of the wind gods; I never did trust Zephyr,” Tina is saying. Edie shakes her head. “But all the gods agreed to this competition. Any god who interferes would face Athena’s wrath and from what I’ve heard Zeus was the only one who ever went toe to toe with her. I also can’t see how eliminating Brandee Jean and Sophia helps Zephyr.”

  “Edie. Sweet naive Edie. Did you learn nothing at MOA? The gods are assholes and backstabbers. We could stand here all day guessing at their motives, or we can do the smart thing and exit this airplane before it falls out of the sky.”

  I wait for Edie to tell Tina she’s insane. Instead, she nods. “You’re right. If a god is behind this, we need to get off. We can’t risk the lives of the other passengers.”

  Tina rolls her eyes. “Right, I was thinking more about our lives. But sure, let’s also think of these strangers we’ll never see again.”

  Ignoring Tina, Edie turns to me. “Okay, let’s go.”

  “Go?! Go where?” I shout. “We’re in a freaking airplane.”

  Tina unconcernedly flips her hair. “Um, you realize that Edie is a freaking airplane, right?”

  Oh right. I feel like an idiot. But an idiot that wants to slap the smile off Tina’s face. “Please tell me we get to leave her here,” I say, and Edie actually laughs.

  “Go ahead,” Tina smirks at the two of us. “I don’t need Edie’s scaly dragon ass; my contestant can fly.”

  Edie nods. “That’s right. I knew she had something good, but couldn’t quite remember what it was.”

  “Something good?” I stare at the two of them. “Flying is just good?”

  “Well, all vampires can already levitate, so—” Edie says.

  “And that’s different how?” I ask.

  “It’s like, floating a little,” Tina says. “Because vampires are awesome and we are born to win.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “Oh yeah? So far floating a little and sometimes looking like you need to have your teeth filed doesn’t sound so winning to me.”

  Tina’s eyes narrow to slits. “Come closer and I’ll show you.”

  Sophia yawns. “Stop playing with the milkmaid. We need to go.”

  Edie prods me up the aisle as she explains, “Vampires are also super strong and very fast. Don’t underestimate them. And maybe stop trying to piss off Tina. She’s part nymph and gods know what else. That means she has extra powers, and could mess you up in ways even I don’t know about. And I roomed with her for almost two years.”

  “Wait,” Sophia puts her hand out. “Part nymph? Are you saying my mentor is a Moggy?” She says the word like it hurts her mouth and then shoots Tina a look that could curdle milk.

  “Thanks a lot, dragon-ass,” Tina hisses at Edie, who only shrugs.

  I am totally confused. “What’s a Moggy?”

  “It’s a mixed blood,” Sophia spits the words out. She looks seriously upset about this. Seems kinda weird to not like having a mentor with extra abilities, but what do I know?

  As Sophia and Tina bend their heads together to argue in low voices, I leave them to it and focus on grabbing my carry-on from the overhead compartment. Edie’s eyebrows come together when it gets stuck and I have to pull extra hard, but my entire life is in this bag. Not to mention my crown. Also all my makeup. I’m not walking into a competition au naturel with no change of clothes.

  A flight attendant struggles down the aisle toward us, evading the grasping hands and shouted questions of passengers. “Please, return to your seats,” she says, her polite words delivered in a tone edged with panic.

  Tina holds up a hand that demands silence…and gets it. At least six of the freaking out passengers just fall into a type of stupor. I wonder if that’s part of being a vampire or one of the extras from her mixed blood.

  “You’d better buckle in and make an announcement that the cabin pressure is about to drop,” Tina tells the flight attendant. “Because when the wind gods decide they don’t like you, they aren’t just blowing hot air.”

  The flight attendant opens her mouth, then closes it. To emphasize Tina’s point, Edie pops out her wings. They’re a sparkly ice-blue, which seems to match her current mood. Huh… maybe that’s what they are; mood wings. The stewardess must have seen enough paranormals in her lifetime already, because she heads back to her seat and gets on the speaker.

  “If you want to live, buckle up,” she grimly informs the passengers. Then straps herself in.

  I follow Edie to the door, my bag catching on an arm rest and causing me to lag behind.

  “How are you even gonna get this open?” I ask when I catch up. “The pressure from outside—”

  But I don’t get to finish my sentence, because Tina stuck her hand out again—this time literally over my mouth.

  “Seriously, Edie?” she asks. “You backed this wreck? She doesn’t even know her own power.”

  The hell I don’t. Mama always said half the competition is in your teeth, and Tina’s hand is awfully close to them. I bite down and she yelps, jerking away before I can get a decent piece of flesh off her. There is an aftertaste from her skin, which was ice cold. I spit to get rid of it (and if some spit landed on Sophia, sue me), and then wrenched the door open, the strength of Zeus running through my foxy boxing-toned arms.

  I’m sucked out instantly, my dress billowing around me, filling my mouth as I try to yell for my mentor. The one with wings. Who would be super useful right now.

  “Eeeeeedieeee,” I scream, clutching desperately to my suitcase. I mean, even if Edie doesn’t catch me, they can at least bury me in something fabulous. Suddenly, my free fall stops. I’ve landed on something warm and… scaly.

  Ew.

  She might have the skin texture of a crocodile, but Edie just saved my life. I will never get mad at her again. I don’t care how many gods she killed, or how many bottles of Lubriderm I’m gonna have to give her from my own limited supply (clearly she is not taking care of her scales, because there is no way a mystical dragon is meant to feel this yucko).

  We pass through a cloud, the condensation filling my lungs, dampening my dress, and totally ruining my hair. I’ve always been better at the controlled look; windblown just doesn’t work for me.

  We break
the cloud cover and under us is blue endless ocean. Well, nearly endless. Way in the distance is a speck of land. My stomach does a little flip as I realize—that must be the island.

  Edie veers sharply lower, almost like she’s planning to crash into the beach. I actually grab one of the spikes on her back and try steering her, but nothing happens. Nothing except she bucks me off.

  Once again, I’m falling, but this time I don’t have any hope of my mentor saving me. Right before I hit the water I see her land gently on the sand.

  “Screw y—” I yell, but don’t get the last word out because I’m eating ocean.

  Forget that whole ‘never being mad at Edie again’ bullshit. She’s gonna get the wrath of Brandee Jean.

  And nobody likes an angry BJ.

  I splash the last few feet to shore, dragging my suitcase behind me.

  “Why?” I demand. “Just why?”

  Edie changes from dragon form back to a girl. “You have to find your own way to the island. Even if it’s just the last few feet. We don’t want to get you disqualified.”

  “And where are those vampires?”

  “Sophia and Tina were both sucked out the door along with you, but they managed to close it from the outside so the airplane could get back on course. As soon as we were off the flight, the storm evaporated. Tina was totally right about that being a god.”

  I am totally confused. “But why would they do that?”

  Edie bites her lip and looks concerned. “Well, it seems like one of the gods wants you or Sophia dead.”

  4

  I sit down in the sand, not caring that I’m wet and it means I’ll be covered in the stuff. The waves roll in endlessly, one after another. Big then small then big again.

  I know some people find that soothing, but it just reminds me of my problems. One after another crashing on top of me. And here comes another: some god maybe wants to kill me. That seems like the type of wave big enough to carry me away for good.

  Edie sits down next to me. “Brandee Jean, it’s overwhelming. I know.”

  “You don’t know anything.”

  “My adopted father was killed by a rogue wave the size of a five-story building. It was actually a monster, I later found out. That was the beginning of it. When my life went from normal to…” She pauses and then adds with a little laugh, “not normal at all.”

  I know this is meant to be comforting, but now all I can think about is my mama. And how she died. “Did your father jump into the wave because he saw it was hopeless? Did he tell you good luck carrying on without him?”

  “No! Gods. He would never—” Edie abruptly stops, as if realizing she stuck her foot in it.

  “Yeah,” I nod. “My mama killed herself. After I got my powers she kept making all these comments ’bout how I didn’t need her no more. Guess I shoulda seen it coming…”

  Edie’s arm comes around my shoulders. Or I think it’s her arm, but then I realize her wings are popped out and she’s curled them around me. It’s surprisingly nice. They block the sand that’s been spraying into my eyes.

  “Brandee Jean, I’m sorry about your mother. My adopted mom left me in a similar way, so I do understand.”

  I lean into Edie a little, just needing the comfort of another human body near mine. Not in a romantic way, but just someone else nearby to make me feel a little bit less alone. After Mama died I made friends with another girl I met while scavenging. Shauna and I got real close, real fast. Fighting for survival will do that.

  “Listen,” Edie says, interrupting my thoughts. “Don’t let this whole plane incident throw you off your game. It might’ve just been a spat between the gods or one of them just playing a joke. That’s why the competition is so important; with no Zeus, there’s no order. But I think you could be the person who sets things right.”

  “Well,” I push my wet hair away from my face. “I was thinking earlier how it’d be nice having the power to send a bolt of lightning into anyone who wears socks with sandals. Just a little zap, you know? A warning, really, to make ’em treat their feet better.”

  Edie frowns at me for a long moment. “I really hope you’re joking,’ she finally says as we both get to our feet once more.

  I turn away from the ocean to take a good look at the rest of the island. “Okay, so where is this academy?” I ask, wringing the water from my hair and dress.

  Edie points above us. On a hill overlooking the ocean is the Academy.

  There’s a building that looks like the White House, all pillars and stone. I realize it’s actually Greek architecture. From what I’ve seen in pictures, it looks like Washington, DC but brighter. Cleaner.

  “I don’t suppose you can fly me up there?” I ask.

  Edie shakes her head. “No, but it’s a nice hike.”

  I sigh and open my suitcase. Amazingly the clothes inside are mostly dry.

  “Lead the way,” I say after changing into yoga pants, a tank, and some sneakers. “But set a ‘walking and talking’ pace, because girl, I’ve got questions.”

  As we trudge up the mountain together, I make sure to get all my questions out.

  “Do I have to wear a school uniform? Is that uniform leather? Does anyone on campus struggle with chafing? Can I still wear my tiara?”

  “Seriously,” Edie says, pushing sweaty hair out of her face. “You’re competing to become the next ruler of the gods and these are your questions?”

  I come to a full stop on the trail, pebbles rolling out from under my shoes. “Don’t underestimate chafing,” I tell her. “Chafing can be the difference between a crown and a handful of roses that wither in a week.”

  “Okay, fine,” Edie says, continuing the climb. “At Amazon Academy, yes, there is a uniform. I don’t know how strict Athena is with the dress code, but I’m guessing you’ll be wearing some form of uniform. You know, the usual plaid skirt, white shirt, and knee socks type deal.”

  “Porny,” I sniff.

  “At least to classes,” she finishes.

  I stop again. “Um, what now?”

  “Classes.” Edie keeps going, not looking back at me. “Athena offered up Amazon Academy as the proving ground for the next ruler of the gods. But it came under the condition that all of the contestants must also attend Amazon classes. Which really is not a bad idea. The Amazons can be brutal, but they are also loyal and trustworthy. Everyone wants the next ruler of the gods to be fair-minded. Athena can help ensure that’s the case by having them train as an Amazon would.”

  “Uh-huh,” I say, now following behind Edie. “So I’m going to be like an honorary Amazon?”

  “Kind of,” Edie says hesitantly. “But I definitely wouldn’t say that out loud. Amazons are incredibly proud women. The application process to attend Amazon Academy is grueling. Only a very select group makes it in. I’m guessing the students aren’t going to be thrilled that the contenders are on campus.”

  “Right, so it’s like I got a free ride to an Ivy League college, but I didn’t actually earn it?”

  “Pretty much, yeah,” Edie agrees.

  “Only it’s not a bunch of future lawyers and doctors that are pissed at me, it’s girls with anger issues?”

  “Um… That’s not absolutely accurate. You might want to self-filter your thoughts before you say them out loud,” Edie tells me, just as we clear the edge of the cliff. “Or you might end up with highly skilled ‘angry girl’ enemies.”

  The campus rolls out in front of us, the white marble pillars of the buildings blinding in the sun. Up close I can now see that whoever decorated this place was super into statues. There’s at least ten in every direction I look.

  At least there’s lots of flowers and ivy climbing up the sides of buildings. The green is comforting, reminds me of home. Well, in the summer at least. As we pass beneath a trail shaded by trees that create a canopy overhead, I can’t help but wonder what Mama would think about this.

  Once we went to Vegas for a pageant conference and Mama fell in love with
the whole strip. Said it was surely the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Then, at the airport on the way home, I heard two ladies talking about how tacky the same hotel we’d stayed at was. The lights. The glitz. The fountain show set to music. Mama and I thought that was high class, but they called it ‘culture for the culture-less.’ I think Mama heard ’em too, ’cause she started talking real loud about this male stripper show she went to.

  Sometimes when people made Mama feel like trash, she got determined to show ’em just how trashy she could really be.

  Pushing Mama out of my mind, I turn to Edie. “Which building is—” Before I can say “admissions” there’s a loud crack from above. And something falls from the sky.

  I catch it…er, him in both arms. Or try to, but he’s squirmy. And so are his hands. They’re going places that Brandee Jean doesn’t allow just anyone to touch.

  Not without a third date, a good dinner, and some flowers, anyway.

  “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” the boy says in a charming English accent as he jumps off me. His face is bright red and there are sticks in his hair. But mostly I notice that he’s thick and tall and solid. If I didn’t have my super strength, he could’ve smooshed me flat.

  “Let me—” He reaches toward where most of my sports bra is showing above my shirt’s stretched out neckline. “Worry not, my lady. I am a master clothing adjuster.” Despite his hulking size, there’s a litheness in his movements. Carefully pinching the seams at my shoulders, he gets my shirt back into position.

  His hands don’t connect with any of my sensitive bits, but he’s so close to me, I can feel his breath on my face and see the little gold flecks in his light brown eyes.

  I can’t resist flirting with him. “You got a nice ’n gentle touch, that’s for sure.”

  “Ah, as a master clothing adjuster, I must be an expert in all the ways of touching. For clothing adjustment purposes only, of course.” His eyes twinkle into mine and I’m pretty sure that’s some chemistry I feel sizzling between us.

  Mama used to say that I must’ve been born in a science lab with all the chemistry I’m always feeling with the opposite sex.